RELATIONSHIPS
Here is another extract from my just
completed book: THE WISE OLD MAN & THE KID, A Guide to Living a Positive
Life; as yet not independently proof-read and certainly requiring brutal
editing.
Davey is a successful author who is writing his autobiography, not to
pump up his ego, but to help readers avoid the mistakes he has made on his life’s
journey. Noah is a 15 year old kid, who Davey meets up with on most days,
spending their time fishing, with Davey sharing what he’s written about his
life’s experiences and what he’s learned from them.
“Do
you mind if I ask you a personal question?” asked Noah.
“Go
right ahead. My life is an open book – warts and all.”
“How
come you were married three times? I know lots of people get married more than
once, but I thought if you loved someone, you’re supposed to love them
forever.”
“Or
so those soppy old love songs tell us,” said Davey, softly laughing. “Now you’ve
opened up the important, but misunderstood topic of relationships and, in
particular, relationships that are regarded as special.”
“Why
‘misunderstood’, and what do you mean by ‘special’?”
According
to my spiritual guide, ‘A Course in Miracles’, it’s through our relationships
that we’re given the greatest opportunities to change how we look at things,
change our false perceptions, and practice true forgiveness. Through
forgiveness, we undo the guilt in others and, it follows, in ourselves as well.
It is through our relationships we can fast-track awakening from our dream, or
nightmare.
The
opportunity to forgive applies to all our relationships, however, we learn
most quickly in the long-term relationships we regard as special in some
way, such as romantic relationships, family relationships, and work
relationships. The Course teaches how we can turn our special relationships
into holy relationships. It says that special relationships are the single most
effective weapon of the ego to keep us locked into false perceptions and guilt.
Those same relationships, given over to God, through forgiveness, can become
the most effective teaching device to break away from the tyranny of the ego, awaken
us and lead us to Heaven. So, we can turn our special, or ego-manipulated,
relationships into God-inspired holy relationships.
For most
of us, relationships are more of a source of difficulty and pain than they are
a source of lasting happiness. We form relationships out of a sense of lack,
which is a form of our primal guilt – guilt embedded in all of us because we
think we usurped God’s authority by separating from him.
Looking
back on my romantic relationships especially, I was certainly driven by a sense
of lack I hoped my partners would be able to fill. Things soon came crashing
down in these relationships (albeit a little longer for my first two marriages)
when I realized my partners were not filling my lack. I didn’t realize it then,
but it was my problem, not theirs, and my expectations were never going to be
fulfilled by them.
We try to use special relationships as a
substitute for the love of God, which we believe we’ve lost when, in our dream,
we decided to separate from Him. We seek for love but never find it, looking
for love in all the wrong places. We use relationships as a dumping ground for
our guilt. We ask another person to make us feel whole and complete, and then
blame them for their failure to do it. The people we say we love become the
scapegoats we blame for our self-made unhappiness.
A holy
relationship, in which we join with another person in order to go to God
together, can become the most powerful tool for enlightenment
there is. The practice of forgiveness taught
by the Course, takes away guilt from and grants peace to our partner and is the
way we find our own salvation.
We accept forgiveness
in ourselves when we forgive someone else. We then recognize the other person
as ourselves, and as a result perceive that we’re not separate, but one.
The Course
shows us how to free ourselves from guilt by releasing our relationship partners
from their guilt. As we give, we receive. In a holy relationship, two people
are healed through healing one another. Relationships provide the ideal
practice material for releasing each other from guilt and for transforming our
perceptions. The closer a relationship is, the more likely it is to bring up
the very thought patterns that need healing.
When we
give a relationship to God, through forgiveness, our partner becomes our ‘savior’,
that is, the avenue through which our darkest thoughts about ourselves can be
healed. We have initially projected those dark thoughts onto our partner, and
see the guilt in him. When we decide to forgive that person, he becomes our
mirror, showing us the dark thoughts we need to bring into God's light for
healing.
I would appreciate your feedback.
djdelene.blogspot.com
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