MOBILE CAPITULATION
Okay,
okay, I admit it - I’m a wimp!
Despite writing two earlier blogs about my
loathing of the things, I’ve betrayed my lofty principles and narrow-minded
prejudices and have purchased a mobile (cell) phone.
I wrote back then “if people discover you
haven’t got one, they look at you with a mixture of distrust, contempt, pity,
horror and disbelief. It’s even worse than the reaction I get when people
discover I’m a vegetarian!”
Well, I have to report that since I became
unemployed late last year, every job I’ve applied for requests a mobile phone
number, not a telephone number, but a mobile phone number. So, bad luck Charlie,
if you haven’t got one – you’re probably immediately behind the eight-ball,
given the glut of unemployed accountants looking for work.
I’ve had a few interviews with employment
agencies and the interviewer always asks for my mobile number and looks at me
with ill-concealed alarm when I confess my sinful omission.
“You really haven’t got a mobile phone? How
can you possibly get by without one?”
I stammer an unconvincing reply which, I’m
sure, confirms in the mind of the interviewer that I’m a lost cause.
So, that was the catalyst for me recanting
my previously ‘not negotiable’ position on mobile phones.
I got
the thing from a service provider a couple of days ago. Within ten minutes of
him extolling the virtues of the incredible phone plans on offer, plus the
phone’s multitude of incomprehensible gizmos, I was brain dead! So, pretending I
comprehended the gobbledygook he was spruiking, I selected a phone and a plan,
signed my life away and bid a hasty retreat from the shop where everyone, but
me, spoke a foreign language.
I won’t bore you with the details of my
agony in setting up the darn thing which took hours, but when I thought I had
mastered receiving/sending calls; installing telephone numbers; receiving/sending
text messages and so on – I decided to publicly announce my radical turn-around.
Here is the email (NOTE: email, not text
message) I sent to my family and friends:
Yes, I’ve
been dragged struggling into the 21st Century! Much against my
better judgment, I’ve capitulated and joined the mindless masses (with due
respect) and now possess a mobile phone.
I’ve
weakened as a result of being treated like a leper by employment agencies when
I reveal (Aghast!) I DON’T HAVE A MOBILE PHONE!
So, if
you’re willing to put up with the inconvenience of waiting for the jerk at the
end of your call to recover from the shock of his phone ringing wherever he
last put it; and the ensuing panic of fumbling to remember which buttony thingy
to press – feel free to give me a call on ………………….. .
Alternatively,
you can always text me instead – but brace yourself for a reply in Swahili as
I’ve discovered that you require the manual dexterity of a micro-surgeon to hit
the right miniscule alphanumeric symbols with my stubby fingers and
thumbs.
C’est la
guerre!
Kind regards
One
of my friends was quick to reply by text, probably thinking I was pulling an
early April Fool’s Day joke. The tone of his text message was disbelief and
wonderment. Here is my reply:
Goofay ruddell
Ezpext a blig soom abiut My
capotulayiom.
Dim
Which translated means:
“Gooday Russell,
Expect a blog soon about my
capitulation.
Don”
I have yet to receive a reply. I guess he is
still ploughing through his Swahili/English dictionary?
PS: Don’t call me, I’ll call
you!
djdelene.blogspot.com
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