ME AND A COURSE IN MIRACLES
Shortly before the collapse of my second marriage in 1992, a book with a curious title, ‘A Course In Miracles’ (ACIM), entered my life. For some time my sister had been urging me to buy it. The book had given her a great deal of comfort when things in her life seemed to be going awry. But I vigorously resisted. Fancy trying to get an atheist to study a book about religious or spiritual rubbish!
I had been battling with depression for several years, so I wasn’t the greatest person to be around – extremely self-centered and a classic victim of the world. Less than the perfect husband and father.
I knew my marriage was going nowhere. My wife and I had drifted apart. I wanted out, but I thought I was trapped. Besides, where was I to go? Also I didn’t have the courage to confront the issue, hiding behind the excuse that I shouldn’t rock the boat for the sake of the children.
There’s an old saying:
When the pupil is ready, the teacher appears.
I guess I was ready, because I was so desperate to pull myself out of my emptiness and misery and, a few weeks before my marriage ended, I bought the book. It has been my teacher since then.
As the ACIM text was incomprehensible to me, I started doing the daily Workbook Lessons, even though, they too, seemed impenetrable to my understanding and I had no idea what was going on. Nonetheless, I had dutifully completed about 14 daily lessons before that fateful night.
Synchronicity played its hand the night my marriage imploded, because, by chance, I happened to be going upstairs to the bedroom when I overheard my wife talking to a girlfriend on the phone. She poured out her heart to her friend and I was shocked to hear what she thought of me, among other things. The meaningful coincidence of going upstairs at that exact time and hearing my wife’s conversation forced me to face the truth about my marriage and do something about it. A miracle?
At the time, I certainly didn’t think so. My highly charged negative reaction to the disintegration of my marriage caused me so much trauma, pain and despair when it happened, it didn’t seem much like a miracle to me. More like a taste of hell!
I angrily confronted my wife, hastily packed a suitcase and left home.
Later that night I had a profound spiritual experience – an inexpressible life-changing experience of God. In an instant I changed from being an atheist to someone who knew that God existed. Not the fire and brimstone God of organized religions, whether Jewish, Christian, Moslem etc. – but an all-loving, non-judgmental, forgiving God Who, somehow, I knew, I and everyone else, were intrinsically connected to.
Although I barely had a clue of what ACIM was all about – I had little awareness of the potency of its transformative potential on my attitude and on my life – its workbook lessons certainly propped me up over the next few months and gave me the support I needed at that time. A time of confusion, guilt, grief and despair following the break-up of my marriage.
Right from the outset some amazing changes began to happen to me. More miracles?
But that’s another story.djdelene.blogspot.com