ME AND A COURSE
IN MIRACLES
Shortly before the collapse of my second marriage in 1992, a
book with a curious title, ‘A Course In Miracles’ (ACIM), entered my life. For
some time my sister had been urging me to buy it. The book had given her a
great deal of comfort when things in her life seemed to be going awry. But I
vigorously resisted. Fancy trying to get an atheist to study a book about
religious or spiritual rubbish!
I had been battling
with depression for several years, so I wasn’t the greatest person to be around
– extremely self-centered and a classic victim of the world. Less than the
perfect husband and father.
I knew my marriage
was going nowhere. My wife and I had drifted apart. I wanted out, but I thought
I was trapped. Besides, where was I to go? Also I didn’t have the courage to
confront the issue, hiding behind the excuse that I shouldn’t rock the boat for
the sake of the children.
There’s an old
saying:
When the pupil is ready, the teacher
appears.
I guess I was
ready, because I was so desperate to pull myself out of my emptiness and misery
and, a few weeks before my marriage ended, I bought the book. It has been my
teacher since then.
As the ACIM text
was incomprehensible to me, I started doing the daily Workbook Lessons, even
though, they too, seemed impenetrable to my understanding and I had no idea
what was going on. Nonetheless, I had dutifully completed about 14 daily
lessons before that fateful night.
Synchronicity
played its hand the night my marriage imploded, because, by chance, I happened
to be going upstairs to the bedroom when I overheard my wife talking to a
girlfriend on the phone. She poured out her heart to her friend and I was
shocked to hear what she thought of me, among other things. The meaningful
coincidence of going upstairs at that exact time and hearing my wife’s
conversation forced me to face the truth about my marriage and do something
about it. A miracle?
At the time, I
certainly didn’t think so. My highly charged negative reaction to the
disintegration of my marriage caused me so much trauma, pain and despair when
it happened, it didn’t seem much like a miracle to me. More like a taste of
hell!
I angrily
confronted my wife, hastily packed a suitcase and left home.
Later that night I
had a profound spiritual experience – an inexpressible life-changing experience
of God. In an instant I changed from being an atheist to someone who knew
that God existed. Not the fire and brimstone God of organized religions,
whether Jewish, Christian, Moslem etc. – but an all-loving, non-judgmental, forgiving
God Who, somehow, I knew, I and everyone else, were intrinsically connected to.
Although I barely had a clue of what ACIM was
all about – I had little awareness of the potency of its transformative
potential on my attitude and on my life – its workbook lessons certainly
propped me up over the next few months and gave me the support I needed at that
time. A time of confusion, guilt, grief and despair following the break-up of
my marriage.
Right from the
outset some amazing changes began to happen to me. More miracles?
But that’s another story.
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