ADDICTED
TO ADDICTIONS
Most of my life I have been plagued with addictions.
Whether it was alcohol (binge drinking); smoking; painkillers (to counter
frequent tension headaches, as well as hangovers)); sex (predominantly sexual
fantasies); participating in sport (as a way of getting recognition); watching
sport; gambling; or work (as a workaholic to escape unhappy marriages). I have
probably missed a few, but these are the big ticket items.
Why so many, you may ask? And what was the
pay-off?
Answering the last question first. Not one of
these addictions brought me happiness, indeed, every one contributed to
stunting my emotional growth and intelligence. Yes, I obtained fleeting pleasure
from nearly all of them. But pleasure was always followed by pain. Along the
way I hurt others, but, most of all, the person I hurt the most was me.
As for the first question, why so many?
First, addictions took my mind off the person
who I thought I was. A person ravaged with self doubts and lacking self belief.
My addictions were a distraction and a brief respite from looking closely at
the man in the mirror.
Also most of my addictions (except for painkillers)
were designed to give me pleasure, which I had mistaken for happiness. As an
old pop song goes: there’s a fine line between pleasure and pain. Ephemeral
pleasure soon gave way to pain and guilt.
Another reason for doggedly pursuing my
addictions was to escape, at least for a little while, what I thought was a
cruel, fearful world full of people out to get me and bring me down.
I am pleased to report I have discarded most
of these addictions now. It all started over 20 years ago when I took my first
hesitant and shaky steps along my chosen spiritual path. A path that began
leading me towards knowing who I really am and what my life was really about.
Most of those debilitating addictions fell away immediately, while for others,
they gradually diminished and disappeared.
Have to confess though, I am still
tenaciously hanging onto one addiction.
Watching sport, especially football in
winter.
But feel for me, football ends in September
and does not resume until March. Whoa! Summer hibernation is a testing time. I
do not enjoy watching cricket, tennis, basketball or other summer sports all
that much.
However, in order to arrest my sport watching
withdrawal symptoms, of late, I have been watching soccer!
A sissy’s game compared with Aussie Rules
football in my opinion, where Academy Awards should be handed out every time a
soccer player hits the turf clutching his shin as if he has been mortally
wounded.
Be that as it may, the Asian Cup is currently
being played here in Australia, so every night I sneak off to my study to watch
the highlights at 10 pm on my computer.
I have to begrudgingly admit I am beginning
to admire the skill of the players and even get mildly excited when a team
(especially Australia) scores a goal.
Getting back to the point, I rationalize that
my sport watching is a relatively mild addiction compared with those that have
since fallen by the wayside.
Maybe one day, this addiction too, will be a
thing of the past as I transcend my perceived needs of earthly pleasure.
Oops! Just remembered. Must renew my annual
North Melbourne Football Club membership for 2015. Practice matches are only
six weeks away!
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