THE
TRAVAILS OF TRAM TRAVEL
Commuting by tram to the city in Melbourne
can be an interesting experience.
My
wife and I live in an apartment in St Kilda Road, which is a southern extension
of Swanston Street, of one of the CBD’s busy streets. St Kilda Road is my
favourite boulevard in Melbourne. As you head south from the city, you see the
impressive, grey, granite edifice, the Shrine of Remembrance, perched on a rise
directly in front of you in the distance. As you get close to the Shrine, after
passing Queen Victoria Gardens and Kings Domain on the left and the Arts Centre
and the National Gallery on the right, the road sweeps to the right, encircling
the Shrine on one side before resuming its southerly journey past Melbourne
Grammar School, modern office buildings and apartments, Wesley College and
onwards to St Kilda.
St
Kilda Road is a broad tree-lined boulevard with six lanes of traffic with
tramlines in the centre of the road. Two traffic lanes heading south are
separated by a tree-lined nature strip from a third lane. Another three lanes
of traffic, with another nature strip in between, head in the other direction.
On each side of the road are bicycle lanes and generous, shady footpaths. Even
though it’s a very busy thoroughfare, its spaciousness, its plethora of trees
and inviting parklands somehow create an illusion of tranquillity.
Now,
where was I? Oh yes - trams.
About
nine tram routes eventually find their way to St Kilda Road with their
destination the city and beyond. So, anyone fortunate enough to live nearby
wanting to commute to the city, usually does not have to wait too long for a
tram to come along.
Melbourne’s
trams range from a motley lot of ancient, green trams to drab, grey, newer, old
models to sleek, state-of-the-art shiny things slathered with advertisements. They
can be rather grubby, and idiotic vandals soon scratch the glass windows and
deface the interior walls of the newer trams. Nor are trams very comfortable to
ride in. If you don’t get a seat, hang on for grim life, for tram drivers seem
to enjoy hitting the brakes unexpectedly, or lurching to a shuddering halt at
tram stops.
No,
Melbourne’s trams were never designed for comfort, nor speed for that matter.
The older ones, in summer, are mobile saunas with totally inadequate
air-conditioning. Also heaven help the out-of-towners who try to find their way
around by tram. First they’ve got to figure out how to pay for their fare. I
won’t even try to explain how that’s done!
How
they manage to find the right stop to get off at is also beyond my
comprehension. Most trams have a recorded voice that announces each stop before
you arrived. Somehow the announcements get out of sync and invariably
passengers are informed that the next stop was the one they had just left. So, many
tram drivers no longer use recorded stop announcements and most of them take it
upon themselves to make the appropriate announcement. This is fine provided you
can figure out what on earth they are saying.
You
see, many tram drivers come from ethnic backgrounds where English isn’t their
first language. For example, I sometimes catch trams that head west on Collins
Street in the city. The first stop is Elizabeth Street which comes across as
something like “Heyisabetsteet” The next stop is Queen Street, or “Keesteet”.
And then William Street. Try “Eeyimsteet” for size.
Despite
their idiosyncrasies, trams seem to get the job done, add a bit of colour to
Melbourne’s landscape and successfully move thousands of people in and out of
the city each day..
With
nine tram routes converging onto St Kilda Road and trams allegedly running
every ten minutes apart on each route, you would think the odds against having
the same tram driver more than a couple of times would be quite high. Funnily
enough I’ve encountered one particular driver at least a half a dozen times
over the past 18 months. And it’s a pleasure to travel with him.
This
fellow speaks impeccable English with a slight North American accent. My guess
is that he is an expatriate Filipino, but I may be wrong. Anyway, he commands
passengers’ attention through his entertaining commentary.
To
give you a taste, imagine that the tram is crossing the Yarra River on Princes
Bridge heading into the city. Then over the p.a. you hear the soft, dulcet
tones of this well-spoken driver announce, “For those of you intending to
alight at Flinders Street Station and Federation Square, “ he purrs, “the next stop is yours! And if you
choose to leave us at this time – you take care, have a safe journey and a
wonderful day.”
Ah, tram travel. Sometimes it can be a joy!
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