FORMATIVE EXPERIENCES – A CURE?
You may be aware I am currently writing a
semi-autobiographical book tentatively titled, “THE WISE OLD MAN & THE KID
– A Guide to Living a Positive Life.” One of the premises of the book is the
negative impact (for most of us) on our attitudes because of how we mentally processed
our formative experiences and convinced ourselves – with the assistance of our
self-defeating egos - that we were
unworthy, or guilty, or shameful or lacking in ability and self-belief.
Here’s a bit more
from my book, pointing out the shortcomings of our education and suggesting a
remedy.
“I think the following analogy is of Buddhist origin.
Imagine yourself as a beautiful silk cord. One that becomes progressively more
knotted as you take on board the demeaning imprints of your formative
experiences. Over time this lovely silk cord becomes a massed tangle of knots,
so much so that it’s difficult to identify what it really is.
When we reach the realization the identity
we’ve made up hasn’t brought us satisfaction or happiness and, indeed, has
delivered only pain and suffering either physically, mentally or emotionally,
that’s when the Universe steps in.
We’re then presented with a made-to
measure, individually designed and perfectly appropriate wake up call. If we
choose to heed it, it becomes our turning point and we then begin our journey
back to reality, back to our true identity. We begin to untie the knots. We
begin to correct our past mistakes, banish our self-doubts, ease our pain and
experience more frequent tastes of joy and peace of mind. Eventually the
pristine, un-knotted silk cord is restored and we’ve discovered, or remembered,
who we truly are.
Our parents can have a huge influence on who
we think we are and the persons we turn out to be. Many of our attitudes, our
values and behavior from our formative years are derived from them.
“I know it’s
generally believed that a range of physical health problems can be genetically
inherited from our parents,” said Davey (the wise old man), offering another
sandwich to Noah (the kid). “However, I’m more inclined to believe we are far
more vulnerable to inheriting our parents’ attitudes,
and, if we do, we often duplicate their physical problems as well. Of
course, the way we think inevitably impacts on our physical and mental health.
For example, prolonged stress, or anxiety, or depression can cause disease in
our bodies, or cause mental imbalance. These problems are all created by some
form of negative thinking.”
“Is there anything anyone can do about this? After all, we’re only kids
and parents call the shots,” said Noah, putting down his fishing rod and
selecting a sandwich.
“Good question. To most children, their parents have God-like qualities
and we try to be like them by adopting their values, attitudes and even, their
behavior. I think my negative attitude and tendency towards depression comes
from my home environment, as well as my feelings of unworthiness.
“Generally, we don’t see how rocky the pedestal is we’ve put our parents
on, at least until we get into our teens. It can be shock to realize they are
more human than God-like. That they do have weaknesses; they aren’t infallible;
they make mistakes; they can be mean and nasty, unfair and uncaring and so on.
Also, I suggest most parents have got so much going on in their own lives, most
neither have the time or capability of wisely mentoring their children through
life’s challenges.”
“If they can’t do it, who can?”
“It would be good if every child had a wise mentor. Of course that’s not
going to happen – I can count on the fingers of one hand how many truly ‘wise’
people I’ve met over the entire course of my life.”
“Sounds like ‘mission impossible’ then?”
“Maybe, maybe not. I think it’s all about education. When you think
about all the rubbish they teach us at school, you’d think there surely would
be space to include continuous courses in life-skills and self-awareness.
Courses that delve into the power of positive thinking and mind over matter; worthwhile
values, and the dangers of following the wrong role models; how to recognize
and deal with the temptations of our egoic, self-serving selves; proper
education about male and female sexuality, including the incredible life
changing effects of puberty; and so on. The list is endless really, but at this
time, pretty much neglected by our education system.”
“What about God? Shouldn’t God’s existence be discussed as well?”
“That would be ideal. However, this is where the fun would really
begin!”
“Why?”
“Well, not only is there complete disagreement between atheists and
believers, there are a multitude of agnostics sitting on the fence. Then there
are all of the world’s religions to consider, many of whom have different views
on Who God is and what He does. And, of course, within those different
religions there can be considerably different interpretations and expectations
about Him. Imagine trying to settle on a curriculum to accommodate all of these
conflicting viewpoints. What a can of worms that’d be! However, I’m sure it
could be done.”
“Putting the God complication aside for the moment, do you think our
teachers can handle all of the other stuff you suggest?” asked Noah.
“I doubt it. Training programs would have to be set up for teachers to specialize
in these areas. And, I suspect, only people with suitable experience from the
University of Life would be suitable to teach this stuff. So, I guess it isn’t
going to happen tomorrow.”
“So, where does that leave us kids, here and now?”
“For most, I regret to say, they will have to follow the path of the
knotted silk cord. In other words, they will inevitably inherit wrong-minded
attitudes; make mistakes, wrong choices and decisions and suffer painful
consequences. However, remember, from break-down comes break-through and when
their tolerance for self-afflicted pain becomes too much, they’ll be ready to
receive wake-up calls and will have the opportunity to turn their lives around
and untie those knots, if they so choose.”
“Maybe I’d better play close attention to your story and experiences, so
I don’t have so many knots to untie in the first place,” said Noah.”
Okay, okay, I admit the solution
suggested by the old man is somewhat utopian. However, there are a lot of suffering
people out there (including me) trying shake off the shackles of our entrenched
self-defeating behaviors. Had our attention been drawn to life’s pitfalls at an
early age, maybe, like Noah, we’d have less knots to painfully unravel in later
life?
What do you think?
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