FORMATIVE
EXPERIENCES
You may recall, from a previous blog posting, I am currently
writing a semi-autobiographical book tentatively titled, “THE WISE OLD MAN
& THE KID – A Guide to Living a Positive Life.” It’s all about sharing my
life’s experiences, warts and all, giving readers (young adults and others) the
opportunity to learn from my mistakes and to avoid making similar bad choices
in their lives.
One of the premises
of the book is the impact on our attitudes of our formative experiences from
our early years of life. When I was young, I had dreams of being ‘someone’ –
someone who, somehow, would make a difference and make my mark on the world in
positive ways. However, my optimism, indeed certainty, about my future promise
were already under challenge because of the circumstances of my upbringing – my
formative experiences and an inherent ‘saboteur’ in my mind constantly finding
reasons and experiences to confirm my lack of worth.
The perfect
complement to my constant travelling companions – unworthiness and self-doubt -
were the family, economic and social environments in which I grew up. These
assisted in conditioning my mind into adopting attitudes, beliefs, standards
and behavior designed to make me feel unworthy and undeserving of anything but
second-best in all aspects of my life. However, I didn’t have a conscious awareness
of this. All I was aware of was a growing lack of self-belief and
self-confidence. This was my best-kept secret.
Here is a small
extract from my book, where the old man, Davey, is talking to a fellow
fisherman, 12 year-old Noah, about the subject:
“You
know, Noah, I believe our experiences, especially those encountered in the
early years of our lives, have a profound influence on the persons we turn out
to be. These formative experiences, and how we choose to react to them, provide
a gradually developing imprint in our minds of the person we think we are. And
then we repeatedly make choices that confirm this evolving image of ourselves.
Our choices lead to experiences and circumstances that seem to reaffirm and
replicate this image.”
“I don’t think I get what you’re saying,”
replied the kid.
“Let me put it this way. I believe we
constantly look to our past perceptions of ourselves, based on our
interpretations of what happened to us when we were growing up, to reinforce
how we see ourselves now. More often than not, these self-images are unworthy
of who we really are. We delude ourselves into accepting an image that falls well
short of our true potential and capabilities.”
“So, you’re saying we all become the persons
we think we are, based on how we were affected by things that happened to us
when we were young?”
“Brilliantly put! You’re a smart kid, Noah,”
replied the old man.
“This
self-defeating process may continue for many years until, perhaps, we get wake-up
calls from the Universe,” Davey continued. “Wake up calls that eventually we
can’t ignore. Ones that stop us dead in our tracks and force us to take a long,
hard look at who we think we’ve become. That’s certainly what happened to me.”
“What do you mean by ‘wake-up calls’?”
“In
my experience, they’re traumatic events in our lives that cause us to take
pause and re-evaluate our values and attitudes. If we’re willing to open up our
minds a little when one of these events happens, instead of wallowing in
victimhood, we can transform our lives. The wake-up calls then become turning
points. Turning points that can de-program our hard-wired self-defeating
attitudes – all the negative crap we’ve laid on ourselves through accepting the
view of the saboteur in our minds, the ego, and our resultant wrong-minded
interpretation of our formative experiences.”
I’m
suggesting to readers there is another way of looking at the so-called
set-backs, disadvantages, injustices etc. we encounter in our formative years.
We have a choice to either be a victim of our circumstances, or see them as
challenges to learn from and overcome.
I’d be interested to hear from others about
how your formative experiences impacted your lives – either positively, or
negatively.
djdelene.blogspot.com
No comments:
Post a Comment